Oh, I am so nervous. I really don’t know how to start, but I once read…
“If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try” – Seth Godin
So here it is, my first try.
A couple months ago I decided I wanted to make a blog. I didn’t, and still don’t, have any clue as to what I am doing. After some research on how to start a blog, I began to feel fairly confident that I could do this. As I entered my credit card information to purchase the domain and hosting, my anxiety started to build. My brain was spinning with defeatist thoughts.
Who would want to listen to me? Will this be successful or just a waste of my family’s resources? This is a bad idea.
I pushed those thought aside and clicked ‘submit payment,’ narrowly avoiding a panic attack. Immediately I wanted to start setting up my web page, after all, character creation is my favorite part of starting a new video game. However, the 5000+ theme templates at my disposal overwhelmed my already frayed nerves, so I closed my laptop and went to bed. Better luck tomorrow.
Once I finally landed on a theme in the myriad of choices, the self doubt came back.
Would this match my voice? My message? Will it give the reader a sense of who I am?
I would never know unless I took the first step and started writing my first post in the hopes that it would all be in sync.
Who Am I?
This seems like the logical first step to an introduction, yet one of the hardest questions to answer. I’m learning and growing everyday. I’m still trying to figure out how to become the person I want to be. However, what I do know, is that my name is April, I’m 35 years old and I’m a Virgo.
I am outgoing, smart, funny, kind, down to earth, and quirky. I am a problem solver, a go-getter and an over thinker. I am madly in love with my husband, who had been my high school sweetheart. I have two biological children from my first marriage and a bonus son from my current one, all of whom I am extremely proud of. I’m an army veteran, a Minnesotan, a pagan, a gamer, and a survivor.
I am pro choice and pro universal healthcare. I am a member of the LGBTQIA+ community (she/her pronouns). I love crystals and tarot, watching movies and reading, playing games (video, card, and board). I speak fluent movie/TV references. I love to send family and friends memes and TikToks as way to show that I am thinking about them.
I have goals for things I want to do and who I want to be. I want to go back to school for psychology, creative writing and public communications. I want to be a Zumba instructor. I want to get the courage to read tarot cards for public events. I want to garden. I want to learn a second language (preferably ASL). I want to get back to my pre-pandemic exercise routine. I want to inspire others. I want the people around me to feel safe, accepted, and at home. I want to be a writer, which leads me to my next question.
Why a blog?
It’s been a life long goal of mine to be a published writer. Ever since I was writing young adult stories for my friends’ entertainment in high school, I’ve dreamt of being an author. I have always found expression through the written word to be a passion of mine. I’ve never liked making speeches, I get nervous and fidgety. And if I’m speaking on a topic that I’m passionate about I get super emotional (not a great quality for a public speaker). However, in the spirit of doing things that scare me, another life goal of mine is to give a TED talk. My TikTok channel has just reached 1500 followers, and I continue to work at growing that number. And now, I want to focus on my writing.
I’m currently in the process of fine tuning my very first finished manuscript. Once that is complete, it’s time to start approaching literary agents.This has been a labor of love since September 2019, and I’m beyond excited to move onto the next step in the process and get to share my story with the world.
Why am I here?
I am a survivor of domestic abuse. I am not a therapist, psychologist or counselor, I have no formal training (yet), I just have my own experiences and research.
I want to:
- share my story.
- educate people who have never experienced the power and control imbalance that is characteristic of abusive relationships.
- help other victims and survivors fell like they are not alone, and that there is hope for escape and healing.
- give a voice to others who want to share their stories, but don’t have or don’t want a platform of their own.
- provide hope, empowerment, and comfort.
- create a safe space for everyone who needs one, because for some a blog on the Internet may be the only source of comfort they know at that point in their life. I know, I’ve been there; only for me, it was a book series that became my escape from reality.
I’m going to share the stories of my abuse. I’m going to share the tips and tricks that I picked up for survival. I’m going to talk about the different legal processes that I had to go through over the years, so that others may use it as a guide. I’m going to talk about my healing and recovery journey. I’m going to talk about my life now and the struggles of being in a healthy relationship after a toxic one. At times, I’ll give my two cents on current events that are impacting our country and world. Other times, I may just share random stuff about my life. I’m going to share the good, the bad and the ugly. Some of my story is going to be sad and heartbreaking to read, some of it will be happy and funny, but all of it will be 100% me.
I am here to be loud! Leslie Morgan Steiner said, “Abuse thrives only in silence (TED, 2013, 14:49).” So for anyone who needs to hear this…. It’s time to get LOUD.
References:
1. TED. (2013, January 25). Why Domestic Violence Victims Don’t Leave | Leslie Morgan Steiner [Video]. YouTube. www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1yW5IsnSjo